Imagine this, you are in a relationship with someone who manages to “ticks all the boxes.” They are smart, considerate, kind, great with your friends and family. They have a decent salary, responsible, and even good-looking, they can also be hilarious and funny sometimes, which is always considered to be a plus.
However, the slightest jokes you make about them gets under his skin. And he can’t stand it.
When I was young, I was definitely that type of a person, I used to get overly sensitive about jokes girlfriends used to make about me because I’m totally an emotional wreck of a person. And what makes it really whack, is the fact that I could dish it out, but couldn’t take it, not a good relationship to have, right.? It’s a behavior and a pattern which I decided consciously not to repeat and surprisingly, my relationships with everybody were 10 times better.
It really freaks me out to imagine being in a relationship with someone who’s constantly getting offended by gibes, and it looks like all of my fears are confirmed by science. Research shows that the happiest couples are those who can playfully joke and laugh with one another. Especially when it comes to joking about one another. In a lovely way, of course.
Joyscribe writes that Jeffrey Hall, a researcher at the University of Kansas has conducted 39 studies involving 15.000 people over a period of 30 years. That’s three decades of relationship analysis, to determine why relationships work and why they don’t.
Jeffrey Hall says that seeking someone with a sense of humor is simply too subjective and not enough, instead, you should find someone that has the same sense of humor as you.
“It is really a broad concept when People say they want a sense of humor in a mate. People think that being funny and able to make a joke about anything is not something which makes a relationship swim instead of sinking. What is truly related to relationship satisfaction is the humor which couples create together.”
That’s the secret ingredient: the humor that “couples create together. What really makes a strong bond and union, is the act of creating something valuable and unique in your relationship, like shared jokes and much more.
Hall adds, “Let’s say that you and your significant other, share a strange sense of humor, but romantic comedies or shows do nothing for either of you…. That doesn’t mean that any style or sense of humor is any better or worse. But what matters, is the fact that you both see quirky humor as hysterical. If you share the same sense of humor, it affirms that your relationship is going to be filled with laughter.”
So basically, Hall is telling me that I’ll be the happiest with someone who cracks up and laughs when the woman rips off that dude’s ears at the opening scene of Gangs of New York.
Time to show that scene to my wife.
Hall also wrote in one of his articles that couples who can laugh at one another build a certain amount of security between them, which I understand totally. If my wife keeps laughing at my big butt in a loving way, I will know for sure that my wife doesn’t only know about my “big butt” insecurity, but she’s cool with it as well.
” Being Playful with your partner is a crucial component in order to bond and establish relational security. Mainly shared laughter, it is an important indicator of a romantic attraction between potential mates.
And if you are the type of human being who thinks that just by saying “it’s just a joke”, you will be able to cover for you being an abusive jerkwad, then mister Hall got your number, too:
“Having an aggressive offending sense of humor is a bad sign for the relationship in general, but it is even worse if the aggressive style of humor is used in the relationship. And if you feel like your partner tends to tell mean-spirited jokes, then it is most likely that you have seen that firsthand in your relationship.”
Being able to make fun and quips and comebacks is the perfect thing for #RelationshipGoals. And it when it comes to a famous couple who see no problem at roasting each other, Ryan Reynolds and Blake Lively would make a great example.
Remember the time when Blake posted that wonderful Happy Birthday message to her better half. By cutting him out of the picture and posting a photo of the “other” Hollywood Ryan, Mr. Gosling?
The retaliation to Ryan’s Happy Birthday post to his wife was him featuring a photo of himself, cropping her out of it. Then there was their Twitter “beef” to promote Blake and Anna Kendrick’s film, A Simple Favor. Or how about the time Blake said she made a big “mistake” by marrying Ryan and that she should have married his hotter brother, Gordon, instead.
Then there was that time where Ryan responded to the rumors which indicate that he and Blake weren’t spending enough time together.
Don’t worry, she got Ryan back, and by complimenting her own blonde hair.
So, if you found someone who finds the same things funny as you and wants to be a good sport about everything and you feel like you two support each other massively, well I think you should hang tight and hold on to them, and no matter what, you should never let them go, you hear me?!